Who Am I?

I am a person behind a keyboard. You may call me The Bard. I was born on that boundary line between being a GenX’er and a Millennial. I love everything having to do with the 80’s. The fashion, the absurdity of it’s films and music, and the final stand of the American ‘Nucleur’ Family. Picket white fences, suburbia, grilling on Saturdays while jamming some Tom Petty or Johnny Winter - it all makes my dick want to stand straight up and salute the American Flag while twenty well-dressed soldiers play Reveille.

Before I could walk, I had my hands on a computer - from Commodore 64, to Amiga, and, eventually, PC. I also have a long history with music - having been a choir child and taking up the guitar around age 8. I continue to perform up until this day, although not on any professional level. I find being ‘musically famous’ as appealing as having a porcupine sleep on my nutsack while a piece of sentient sandpaper massages my prostate. I'm also an avid reader. I have read every single Hardy Boys novel and, one day, I will go back and read them again - if not just to see the sentence “Look out, Joe!”, Frank ejaculated, one more time.

What Is The Undercroft?

The Undercroft is a chaotic collection of my stories, rants, writings and general views of the world. If you are the type to be offended easily, it'd probably be best if you just left now and never returned. However, if you have a good sense of humor and an open mind, it is my hope you'll find something useful or, at the very least, entertaining. Initially, The Undercroft appeared on Substack as an homage to the eZines of Internet days past. For reasons that are my own, I've decided to move it here, as a 'never-ending issue'. You'll find no distracting ads, no images and no bullshit.

How Can I Support You?

At the bottom of every page, you'll find a link to buy me a beer. You can also support the page by emailing me at [email protected] with any questions, suggestions or opinions you may have.